"Recall to mind how long it is since you began to sin; note how greatly sins have multiplied in your heart since that first beginning and how every day you have increased them against God, yourself and your neighbor by deed, word, desire and thought. Consider your evil inclinations, and how often you have given way to them. By these two points you will discover that your sins are more numerous than the sands of the sea. Cast yourself at the feet of the Lord and say to Him, "Lord, with the help of your grace, I will never again abandon myself to sin." (St. Francis De Sales)
The Lenten season has already been a rather challenging period for me. I definitely feel that I am in the desert on a journey alongside Jesus. However, I have faulted at times and often forgotten that He is with me. I get consumed by my own brokenness and seek tirelessly for His healing hand upon my heart. But, feel that he is so far which I know is not the case. It is rather appropriate that during Lent I find my faith life to become increasingly intense., reminding me of my desire and constant need for Jesus in my life. I become aware of my sins in a way that I have not yet before. Those sins that often go over looked, those sins of word, desire, and thought which come in so subtley but leave such immense wounds. Taking the time to honestly acknowledge my sins has been quite painful; it has been a process that I see as essential for a relationship with God. Ironically, just when I feel that I have confessed all that there is to confess...I find myself alone in prayer and remembering yet another thing that I must rid from my heart, mind, and soul. The pain is humbling though, if I can look at it as a reflection of how God is working within me, how much He desires for all of His children to come to Him and to constantly be made new. I will frequent the Sacrament of Confession quite often these coming days and weeks to further aid this process.
here below is part of a song I wrote that I find very fitting for my feelings today.
Cleanse my soul oh Lord, hear my prayer
Stand beside me Lord, For I know you’ll always care.
Be my saviour Lord, when the world pushes too strong
Hear my prayer Lord, For I’ve been in sin too long.
And I know that when I reach for You
You’ll always be right there,
For I know You see the good in me,
I know You’ll always care.