Home From Genesee. By: C.C.

" The truth is that we can find lasting satisfaction only in the service of that person who alone can fill the measure of our radical solitude, and who is accessible only in silence." (Abbot John Eudes Bamberger)

It is difficult for me to truly place my experience at Abbey of the Genesee into words. I have battled since returning home to truly formulate and internalize everything that occurred there. The thought of putting these experiences into words and somehow articulate what went on during my retreat is a task nearly impossible for me. However, in this I feel that there is also something wonderful and splendid. The intimate experience that I had and shared with the Lord is one that should rightfully surpass any vocabulary, feeling, and thought. This should be true of each of us as we turn to the Lord in prayer each day. These moments should be profoundly intimate and private for us. Through devotion, faith, and fervent prayer one can begin to know the joy that can only be found through Him who is the source of endless joy. We come to realize, as Abbot John Eudes Bamberger has written that only through our service to Him can we come to know "lasting satisfaction". In order to do this successfully we must surrender ourselves to silence and prayer. What I have learned over the course of my prayer life, and further during my retreat is the need to be fully open during my time with the Lord. The importance of mortifying all distraction, thought, and expectation in order to enter into the place where the Lord can truly speak to us. This yearning for His voice can cause slight frustration and potentially leave us in a sense of unrest as we demand "Lord, please speak to me I am open"..it is often during our frustration and expectation that we become blind and deaf to seeing and hearing from the Lord. We yearn for His voice and yet we also have the expectation of how we want to hear him. How silly of us to try and orchestrate the affairs of our Lord. How wonderful it is though when He breaks through our expectations and surprises us beyond what we could have ever imagined. Today surrender yourselves to silence and sit before the Lord. If you are unable to visit the Blessed Eucharist or take part in Mass, then simply offer the silence that you do have to Him. In this moment reflect upon your need for Him in your life and the ways that you have been waiting for that answer to your prayer, or that need to feel His comfort. Try and recognize through reflection, the ways in which God has truly appeared to you in your life, in your toughest circumstances, in your joys, and potentially in the confusion that you may be facing today. Trust in Him enough to allow His work to manifest in your life void of expectation (as much as you can)...you will most likely come to understand that as we yearn for His voice, He is speaking. As we seek His helping hand, He is already holding ours ever so tightly. As we seek His aid through tribulation, He is already carrying us through it. Lord, today I pray that we become more receptive to receiving You in our lives. Let us sit before You and surrender ourselves fully to the majesty of your works. Forgive us for trying to play Your role and harbor expectations for the ways in which we want You to respond to our call. Let us understand that You have called us, so that we may follow You and trust You. Lord, let us always turn to You in faith, love, and devotion. (C.C.)